


Storm

by nightcloak666



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Dangerous Situations, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstanding, One-Shot, Sacrificing, Smoking, sourin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 22:03:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3463679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightcloak666/pseuds/nightcloak666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don’t assume. Ask. It is so easy to misinterpret another’s intentions. <br/>But when there is love, there will always be light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Storm

**Author's Note:**

> For the sweetest @cherry-blossom-wish! Sorry you had to wait so long, I hope this is at least a little as you imagined and wished for it to be :) xxx

Rin sighed quietly to himself when Sousuke left their room without any sort of explanation again.

Since the day he told him that he will wait for him, Sousuke once again started acting oddly. Then it was an injury he was hiding, Rin wasn’t sure what it was now.

They became a couple on the day of their last race. As difficult as this day was, finding out about Sousuke’s injury and how much he was suffering and feeling for the past few years, for them as a relationship it was a relief. They’ve spent years hiding feelings for each other, torturing themselves while living together, only to realise that the love goes both ways.

They were like two blind fools, thinking the other does not love them, so they have to hide it all. Hurting for nothing.

He believed that even though Sousuke stated he accepted quitting swimming, he did not. They were too similar to not easily imagine how he had to feel. Was Rin really supposed to believe that someone who dedicated his life to training, someone who became a champion at the age of fourteen, and then cruelly got stripped off his chance to continue to Olympics, was simply accepting it? He saw the pain and regret in his eyes and it made his heart ache.

This was why he told him to not give up. To heal. To let the doctors help him. He knew that if Sousuke would take it slowly and not give up then he would come back to swimming. Be happy again.

He deserved it so much.

He hoped his words cheered Sousuke up. Gave him a little bit of strength. But it seemed the opposite happened.

*

Rin did not want to follow him to find out where he was going. Just because they were in a relationship now, it did not mean he had to know everything. Sousuke was always his own guy, and Rin did not expect it to change. He respected his space.

But he was worrying.

*

Sousuke came back a few hours later, dropping his bag by his desk. He smiled at him, for once the happiness showing in his eyes, too. Rin caught his hand and tugged him down so he would sit by him on the bed. They were quiet as they cuddled together, Rin’s head under Sousuke’s chin.

“Are you going somewhere to swim?” Rin asked quietly.

Sousuke tensed.

“You know you should not…”

“Rin, I’m not swimming behind your back.”

Rin bit his lip. He wanted to ask. Where was Sousuke going then? What was in the bag? What was he hiding?

Instead he hugged him tighter and closed his eyes.

*

As much as Sousuke was ensuring him that he loves the idea of Rin going to Australia, Rin knew it was bullshit. The problem was that there was no answer to their future that would make it right for them both.

Rin leaving meant both Sousuke and him suffering. Separately.

But if Rin would not leave, Sousuke would be upset because it was an opportunity for him that he had to take if he was thinking seriously about swimming. Sousuke knew Rin wanted his revenge and knew being in Australia was a better choice than staying in Japan. He wouldn’t ever agree and be fine with Rin staying for him. He’d end up blaming himself.

Rin could ask Sousuke to leave with him. Wouldn’t it be great for them both? They’d be together. But no, it would not be either. Rin knew that making Sousuke sit in Australia would only hurt and depress him. He’d be most of the time alone, not being able to attend a university, while Rin would be there nearly every day. He would not have a chance to meet friends easily, being separated from people his age. He did not speak English, and while it wasn’t that much of a problem for Rin when he was only twelve, not understanding it at this age meant it would be problematic for him to even find a job and people to interact with, not to mention doctors and coaches that he needed. He did not want Sousuke to devote himself to some crappy job either, he was supposed to heal himself and swim again. And finally, making him watch Rin preparing for Olympics while he could not seemed the worst for Rin. Sousuke wanted the best for him, he was way too selfless for him own good, but needing to watch him while having his hands tied… it made Rin cringe. Logically to him it meant that the best for Sousuke would be to stay in Japan where he could easily ask for help from the doctors and coaches, where he knew people and the language. He could learn English without stress, and once he would heal, join him at the university, meet new people and rock it there with him.

And they would end up happy as separate persons and a couple. The downside was that before that would happen, they would end up separated.

There was no win-win situation. Both of them will end up hurting one way or another. But Sousuke would not agree on Rin’s career suffering for him, and Rin would not agree on Sousuke suffering for him.

*

“You’re quiet lately.” Rin looked at Sousuke, currently reading one of the textbooks. They were preparing for finals, sitting on the bottom bunk.

Rin wanted to slow down time. He probably should be excited for Australia, but it was killing him inside when he thought about everything that will have to end for the sake of his swimming dream.

Going to sleep without Sousuke, his warm body touching his. Waking up without him by his side, no feel of his strong arms around Rin. Studying alone in a quiet room instead of making notes for each other. Swimming without him, his support, his coaching, his intelligent techniques and knowledge. Sitting in his room on his own, no Sousuke to chat with. No morning kiss. No coffee together. No cheeky smiles. No hugs and kisses on the neck.

He was so used to having him by his side…

Why was it too much to ask for them to just be together? Haven’t they lost enough time already?

He wished he never received the opportunity to move to Australia.

“You too.” Sousuke did not even lift his head.

Rin started wondering if it was some technique, which he could not comprehend. Was Sousuke trying to make himself feel better, already getting used to their separation, instead of waiting for the shock at the airport? Method of slow steps? Or maybe he was simply regretting ever going out with Rin? Maybe he did not want to suffer, but break up and find himself someone who would not leave his side?

Rin looked back at his notes.

*

He went out after him one night.

When he saw Sousuke pulling out a pack of fags and crouching behind a tree to smoke one, something broke a little inside him.

What the hell was Sousuke doing?!

“Sousuke.”

He jumped and started coughing, eyes wide in shock when he turned to see Rin behind him.

“Rin?”

“I was so worried all this time and you just go out to secretly smoke?! What kind of rubbish joke is that?!” Rin was mad. All those weeks he was freaking out only to discover this? Of course he was relieved that there was nothing wrong, but it did not mean he would let this go. Sousuke let him worry so much over nothing!

“Calm down, it’s just a fag.” Sousuke rubbed his face after throwing the cig away.

“Exactly! And I was freaking out that there’s something wrong!”

“There’s nothing wrong,” he said quietly, eyes casted down.

Rin closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He sat by Sousuke, arm to arm.

“It’s difficult for me, too,” Rin whispered. “But it’s going to be okay, Sousuke. You will heal and join me there. I’m sure the time will go fast.”

Sousuke nodded.

“You will swim again, I know it.” Rin put his cheek on his shoulder and smiled when Sousuke put his hand on his knee and stroked it lightly. He did not say anything but Rin hoped it made things better.

*

Soon after Rin began doubting his assumptions a lot. Always preaching knowing Sousuke so well, he wondered whether maybe he did not. He always assumed what Sousuke was feeling and thinking, because he was sure that he simply had to know since they were so similar.

But Sousuke was becoming more and more withdrawn. Rin could tell he was fighting with himself about something, becoming more and more upset. There were moments he was just completely switching off, starring in one place not saying anything. He wasn’t talking much. He even began to eat a lot less.

Rin was so worried.

So he decided to go after him again.

*

It was an awful day. The rain and wind made Rin shiver, hugging himself to feel warmer. He was looking for Sousuke for the past hour.

I should have gone right after him, he thought, teeth chattering.

At the end he realised that there was only one place he had not visited, maybe foolishly thinking there was no way Sousuke would go there.

The sea.

He quickly made his way to the beach but there was no one there. He even made his way to the side, towards the hills.

But Sousuke could not be that stupid, could he?

Rin stood there, watching in disbelief when he finally found him. Swimming.

Sousuke’s bag was lying by his feet, soaked from the rain. Sousuke was swimming, apparently not only deciding to ignore his injury but the fact that no one should swim in such weather in the first place.

“SOUSUKE!” he screamed, hoping he’d hear.

Rin jumped when the lighting struck. He shivered. Was Sousuke insane? What the hell was he doing? Trying to kill himself?!

“SOUSUKE, GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!” He shouted.

The waves were becoming bigger, and he quickly lifted the bag before it would get lost in the water. He threw it behind him and shouted Sousuke’s name again, his throat burning.

That was when Sousuke finally heard him and turned abruptly. Rin could barely see his face so he just waved for him to come back.

He’s going to kill that idiot.

Sousuke started swimming towards him. The waves were making it difficult, putting him under water all the time. Rin grind his teeth together when another big one hit Sousuke. His hands curled into fists. He was ready to punch Sousuke for his stupidity.

But Sousuke did not resurface.

“Sousuke?”

Rin walked closer to the sea, ignoring the water soaking his feet completely, feeling like a hand just squeezed his heart.

“Sousuke?!”

Nothing.

“SOUSUKE!”

It was seconds then, he just took off his clothes and jumped in the sea without thinking. Nothing mattered, whether it was dangerous or not, he did not have time to scream for help. The water splashed against the hills, the lightings lightened up the dark sky. He wanted to cry, desperately diving and looking for him, but it was so difficult to see anything…

Sousuke was so close…

When he found him, as quickly as possible he pulled him out. Sousuke was unconscious, cold as ice, his skin pale and lips blue. Rin swam back holding him tight, the storm trying to drown them.

“Sousuke?” he slapped his cheeks trying to wake him up after they finally ended up on the beach. “Come on, Sousuke, wake up,” he said, voice terrified. It was like his brain refused to understand what was going on.

Sousuke did not react so Rin quickly put his mouth over his and blew air in it. No reaction. He began doing CPR, desperately pressing his hands against Sousuke’s chest.

Nothing.

“Please.” A push and another, his tears mixing with the rain. He wasn’t sure when he started begging, body shivering, fingers blue.

So all this time Sousuke was swimming. He wasn’t supposed to swim. He was supposed to let his shoulder heal! He was supposed to rest! Why was he doing this to himself?!

When Sousuke started choking Rin quickly turned him on the side to help him breath and get the water out of his lungs.

“Sousuke!” Rin placed the palms of his hands on his cheeks, trying to keep him awake. “You idiot! You fucking idiot!” He did not know if he wanted to kiss or punch him more.

“Rin…” Sousuke rasped out.

“No, no, don’t talk.” Rin brushed his wet hair back from his face and caressed his cheek. “I will call the ambulance, don’t move.” He reached for the bag but Sousuke’s hand caught his wrist.

“Rin, I’m ok.”

“You’re not ok, you fool, you nearly died.” He chocked out. “You nearly died.” He bent to kiss his lips, feeling Sousuke’s hand moving to grasp his hip. “What were you thinking?” He could feel tears running down his cheeks again as he pressed his forehead to his.

He could lose him. God, he could lose him forever.

“I’m sorry…” A whisper.

Rin grabbed the bag and quickly put the jacket over Sousuke, another over himself. They were both shivering, but he was concerned about Sousuke. Rin quickly called for the ambulance, his free hand on Sousuke’s cheek, thumb caressing it. It was so cold.

They were quiet, waiting for the ambulance. When it arrived Rin got inside, too, and the medics covered them both with blankets to make them warm. Rin did not let go off Sousuke’s hand all this time, watching him sleeping. They told him everything will be okay, but he continued on worrying.

Sousuke was always the stronger one of them. He was the one that never cried, or at least not where anyone could see. The one who always stood strong, intimidating those around him. The champion. Working and fighting towards his dreams with everything he had. No one tried to fight with him, ever.

Now he was lying here, unconscious and completely vulnerable.

And Rin could not understand why it all happened.

*

Rin spent the night lying by his side, head on his shoulder, listening to his heartbeat, the monitor beeping loudly. He could not sleep, questions keeping him awake as he stroked Sousuke’s arm.

“Rin?”

He looked up surprised at Sousuke. It was dark, only the bright moon lightening their faces.

“Hey.” Rin kissed his lips softly. “How are you feeling? Are you warm?”

“Yeah.” Sousuke tried to smile but seemed too tired to do so. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Just rest.” He kissed his cheek and then put his on his shoulder, arm around Sousuke. It’s like he wanted to protect him from everything bad on this world. He wished he could.

“I’m sorry, Rin. It wasn’t supposed to end like that.”

“Why did you try to hurt yourself?” Rin whispered, closing his eyes, hand unconsciously tightening on Sousuke’s arm. It was so quiet in the room.

“I did not try to hurt myself. I just wanted to swim.”

Just one wish. Rin swallowed hard, trying not to choke.

“You were supposed to wait. I said I would wait for you. Why did you want to rush it, I don’t understand…”

Silence.

“Because we can’t be a couple if I won’t swim…” a faint whisper.

“What?” Rin lifted his head quickly and starred at him in shock.

Sousuke was starring at the ceiling, face still pale.

“Come on…” Sousuke smiled sadly at him. “You’re all about swimming. Your life is swimming. Why should you want a boyfriend who would not share your dream? I understand you. You told me to come back to you once I will swim again. You don’t want me by your side now that I can’t…”

“What… Sousuke!” Rin choked on his words. No, no…

“I don’t blame you, I really understand.” Sousuke laughed, quiet and hurt. “That’s why I wanted to swim again. So you would not be ashamed and want to be with me…”

“Sousuke.” He stopped him and put his hands on his cheeks. “Listen to me very clearly. I wanted you to swim again because I know you want to swim, you gave it all, and it makes you happy. It has nothing to do with our relationship! I want you to be happy, that’s all. I thought you would be upset in Australia by my side, not knowing the language and watching me preparing for Olympics while you wouldn’t be able to! I thought it would be better and easier for you to stay here and heal! God, Sousuke…” He kissed him desperately again, hoping it would say it better than words. “I thought it was obvious. I thought you shared my thoughts. I love you so much I just wanted the best for you, it wasn’t about me… I shouldn’t have assumed… chosen for you, I’m sorry…”

“What if I won’t heal?” he asked, throat tight. There was so much sadness in those eyes it made Rin’s heart ache. “You talk like it will take a few days and then everything is going to be alright. What if it won’t? How do you imagine living with someone like me by your side, I don’t…”

“I love you, not swimming, can you finally understand it? I mention swimming so much because I know you worked so hard and you deserve to swim again and it hurts that you were stripped off your dream.” His voice broke. “But I don’t give a damn about it when it comes to out relationship. I love you. You. Whether you swim or not!”

It was probably Sousuke’s eyes and the shock, complete disbelief and lack of trust in them that made the tears run down his cheeks then.

He loved him so much and Sousuke thought he did not drag him after him to Australia because he was ashamed of him? That he only wanted him if he would swim again?

It made his blood freeze.

But it made sense.

While he was thinking that pushing him towards swimming cheered Sousuke up because someone believed in him, it could have as well been interpreted otherwise. And of course someone who was so upset took it the wrong way.

Sousuke thought that he did not want him because he could not swim.

Sousuke needed him to simply tell it’s alright if he won’t.

He just needed to hear it’s ok.

“I’m so sorry,” Rin whispered in his ear, leaving butterfly kisses on his jaw and neck. “I just want you to be happy. I want us to be together. I want you to swim because you deserve it and it makes you happy and it’s so fucking unfair what happened.” He repeated it all again, wanting Sousuke to believe his words. “I am sorry I did not realise that what I was saying sounded so bad to you.”

“Don’t be sorry because I fucked up.” Sousuke put his hand over his face ashamed. “God.” He tugged his hair. “I am sorry…”

Rin looked up and caught his hand softly. When Sousuke refused to look at him, he kissed the corner of his lips and whispered.

“I love you. You. Sousuke. For who you are.” He smiled, thumb stroking his cheek. “The one who makes the best coffee. The one who kisses my neck, making me shiver. The one who growls in frustration at English and always gets freaking lost,” he whispered and giggled when Sousuke sent him a harsh look. At least a reaction. “The one who laughs at my lame humour, always gets a better grade in maths and loves me no matter what. Like I love you. I love your swimming, too, but I have so many reasons to love you that even if you’d never swim again, it would not change anything between us. I want you to swim, though, because you deserve to stand on the stage with me and for it to make you happy, too. And I know it would. But most of all I want us to be together no matter what.” He never sounded so sincere in his life.

“Thank you,” a whisper against his lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They hugged, no more words exchanged. It became silent around them. They did not fall asleep for awhile, Rin’s hand caressing Sousuke’s arm, sometimes placing little kisses on his shoulder, hoping it could heal it. He could feel Sousuke’s soft breathing at the top of his head, his strong hands holding him tight, like Rin would disappear if he let go.

Rin would never. Never again. He knew Sousuke’s assumptions were his fault. He knew why he was thinking the way he was.

“We will always talk from now on. No more assuming what the other wants or thinks,” Rin whispered, eyes closing. “And don’t you dare to hurt or put yourself in danger for me ever again.”

He could feel Sousuke’s smile as he kissed the top of his head.

“I love you.” They both said it at once.

Quiet laughter and a kiss.

It was calm after the storm.


End file.
